Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Sam.
Toxic.
Very harmful. Unpleasant in a pervasive and insidious way. A toxic relationship.
You're insidious. Sidious means sneaky, crafty.
Proceeding in a gradual, subtle way, but with harmful effects. I mean, you take your time and you.
You craft. Do something with subtle negative effects.
Okay, so you.
You know me well enough.
How am I toxic?
How am I toxic?
Get the mic. I ask you a question.
I want to. Honest. I want an honest answer. You got to get the mic. I'm trying to. We got to get.
Huh? Okay, so I'm not toxic. Trinity. How am I toxic?
[00:01:21] Speaker B: You got a question, Trinity?
[00:01:23] Speaker A: How am I toxic? She don't want to answer you.
[00:01:26] Speaker B: You said, how are you toxic?
Okay, so he's unintentionally toxic.
[00:01:37] Speaker A: Interesting. Unintentional.
[00:01:38] Speaker B: He's unintentionally toxic because he's a charmer, and sometimes that can come off as being a little toxic. When you're friendly, sometimes that can come off as toxic. So he's unintentionally toxic.
No, you're toxic.
How are you not.
She need the mic.
[00:01:59] Speaker A: So what you say about me again? How am I toxic?
I'm trying to hear. I'm trying to hear it.
Unintentionally. But how so?
[00:02:08] Speaker B: Because being friendly sometimes comes off as toxic.
[00:02:12] Speaker A: Being friendly?
[00:02:12] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:02:13] Speaker B: Sometimes you can come off as too friendly. Sometimes when you're charming, it can come off as toxic because you're gonna send a message off that you're not really trying to give, but that's the message that they receive. So it's gonna come off as your toxic.
[00:02:23] Speaker A: But isn't that their problem and not mine?
Am I not supposed to be charming? Am I not supposed to be polite? Am I not. These are positive characteristics, right? Am I not supposed to be honest?
[00:02:32] Speaker B: You are.
[00:02:33] Speaker A: You know, I'm talking about. These are. These are positive characteristics. Correct?
[00:02:36] Speaker B: I agree.
[00:02:38] Speaker A: How am I being the good guy now? Being toxic.
[00:02:46] Speaker B: You got me hung on that one. But you're right, because everything you say you're supposed to do, but sometimes the message doesn't come across the way that you send it across. They received it differently.
[00:02:55] Speaker A: So.
[00:02:55] Speaker C: So.
[00:02:56] Speaker A: So what I'm getting is the toxicity comes from the receiver and not the giver.
[00:03:02] Speaker B: 100%.
[00:03:03] Speaker A: Their perception.
[00:03:04] Speaker B: 100%.
[00:03:05] Speaker A: Right. So that's kind of. So basically saying most of y' all delusional.
You.
[00:03:11] Speaker B: Wait, hold. Wait.
[00:03:11] Speaker C: What happened?
[00:03:13] Speaker B: You say most of us.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
[00:03:17] Speaker A: Most of y'. All.
[00:03:19] Speaker C: I ain't hear the whole question.
[00:03:22] Speaker B: Repeat that one more time.
[00:03:25] Speaker A: Which Part. Which part?
[00:03:27] Speaker B: The last part.
[00:03:29] Speaker A: So basically, if the guy's being a gentleman, he's being polite, he's being respectful, he's being honest. He doing what he's supposed to do. I mean, and, you know, being courteous and charming. I'm talking about he's being considered. He's being considered being toxic, but really he's doing what he's supposed to do.
[00:03:47] Speaker B: Right.
[00:03:48] Speaker A: So the female.
I'm talking about, the female actually is toxic in her mentality because she's taking it for more than what it is.
So she's being delusional. So her delusionality is really what's toxic.
He ain't being toxic.
We were speaking from a male, female perspective.
Now we can flip it in a minute. Now we can see how the female, vice versa, can be misleading.
[00:04:13] Speaker B: You flipped the script real good just now because that does not make the female delusional. You know what I'm saying? You probably was a little bit over charming or a little bit too friendly. The message just wasn't flirting is flirting.
[00:04:22] Speaker A: Charming is charming.
You know the difference. You know the difference between a man flirting and when a man just being shown.
[00:04:36] Speaker C: So what is the criteria? I'm confused.
If she doesn't know what.
Oh, I got talking to Mike.
I mean, if she doesn't know what to expect or she's not used to being know what a man set up to do, can you blame her for that?
Maybe she came across too many of those playboys that wasn't really men and wasn't taught how a man's supposed to court a woman.
[00:05:13] Speaker A: But is it fair to him to be categorized by baggage that she's carrying?
[00:05:21] Speaker C: Say that again.
[00:05:22] Speaker A: Is it fair to him to be categorized by baggage that she's carrying? Trauma that she's carrying.
[00:05:30] Speaker C: Well, these are things that you have to find out about the individual. And if you want to go a step further, yeah, you're gonna. You're gonna do your due diligence to make it work. And if that's the person that you want to be with, if this is just. I'm going see you tonight.
[00:05:49] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:05:49] Speaker C: You know.
[00:05:50] Speaker A: Okay. Okay.
[00:05:51] Speaker C: Why put in that work?
[00:05:53] Speaker A: Let's see. Trinity would say that I'm toxic. If I would walk up to you, and I'll be smiling and ask, has your day been well and did you enjoy your meal? If I, you know, someone do, you.
[00:06:05] Speaker C: Know, hit you with the, you know, she said yuko.
[00:06:08] Speaker A: You know what I mean?
Dang on all that. I'm doing too much, but I can do the same thing. Toxic. You ain't had to do all that. So. See, that's what she going to hit me with, man. Take all that. Both, man. You just could ask her thing.
[00:06:20] Speaker C: I could smile, I could bat my eyes.
[00:06:21] Speaker A: You had to ask about her day and everything. The only thing mattered was her food. See, that's how they going to run down on me.
[00:06:26] Speaker C: I can tell you. I'mma take you out on a date with. I could do the same thing, right?
[00:06:32] Speaker A: I mean, if. Okay, if. You know, personally, I don't entertain people that I don't feel like don't like me, right? So I'm not the type of person where I'm not gonna shoot a shot at anybody or try to convince somebody to like me. So, like, if I make eye contact with somebody and they smile, I smile. Then. Okay, yeah, that's. That's mutual. Then, okay, we can. We can. I feel like there's nothing toxic about that.
There's a mutual vibe. She understands and I understand, you know. So now if I. Now, if I'm misleading and I didn't have no intentions of going anywhere with that or entertaining anything with that, yeah, I would consider that being toxic because you ain't no business going doing all that right now if you ain't really had no pure intentions when it comes to dealing with somebody.
[00:07:17] Speaker C: But, you know, it also depends on where this stuff is happening.
We at the club, you can't be expecting, you know, Queen Sheba to walk over and give you this reception because she might be at the club for different reasons, just like you at the club for different reasons. Right now if you're at the museum or church or some kind of event, a corporate. It's going to be a different attitude. It's going to be a different vibe.
So you can't expect, you know, but then also, it all depends on. On what that individual been through.
Some people hold on to grudges. Some people don't know how to let stuff go.
Some people don't allow other people to come in because they're already poisoned from the last situation.
So it's up to you as an individual to say, if I want to deal with that because I see the inner person.
[00:08:18] Speaker A: What could be toxic? What could be toxic? Talking about us meeting in the club, in our initial meeting and we changing phone numbers and we really vibing and, you know, you know, I mean, what could be talked about? That.
That be. That should be common. That should be good. That should be. I mean, that should be a genuine vibe initially, because you should Be everything. Everything should be based off. Honestly, right at that moment, in that moment, you shouldn't be pretending to be nobody. You shouldn't be faking like, you interested and you're not, you know, everything should be a mutual. A mutual interest. Correct.
[00:08:52] Speaker C: It should be. But a lot of people like to send their representatives.
And when does the representative cut off?
[00:09:01] Speaker A: I guess you can misrepresent.
Misrepresent yourself by trying to portray like you're single and you're not or portray like you, somebody you're not. I mean, like you're interested in everything, really getting to know a person when you're only interested in sex.
Things like that could become off. Can come off toxic.
I can see that.
[00:09:27] Speaker C: Well, everyone has a representative. Everyone shows a representative. I don't care who you are, Preacher, church.
Everybody shows their representative that 2% that actually really come off on the real. Because a lot of people don't like to accept the truth.
[00:09:45] Speaker A: So that I know for certain, you.
[00:09:46] Speaker C: Know, if I step to you and say, listen, I'm down for you tonight, what you doing, you might be taken by.
Oh, God, how'd she come at me like that?
Oh, no, I'm not used to this. I'm the one that's always.
And you never know, that person might agree, be like, you know what? This is what. What I want tonight.
[00:10:06] Speaker B: That's it.
[00:10:08] Speaker C: Not pretend and smiling. Oh, yeah, that's what I like too.
You know, at the end of the day, that's not what you want. You want it to smash and go.
[00:10:17] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:18] Speaker C: A lot of people, you know, fake the funk because as us, as humans, hate to hear that word. No or that rejection. So we'll play along just to, you know, see how it go on. How fun far you can go until the real feelings start coming.
[00:10:39] Speaker A: Okay. Okay. Well, I'm. I've learned in my. In my experience, in my lifetime that it's best to be direct.
Best to be about my intentions by my.
My thoughts. When it comes to dealing with people, I just really believe in trying to be genuine. Now. I. I can hold back. I can keep my. I can keep my thoughts to myself if I feel like I'm being played with, you know. But for the most part, I'm just gonna tell them straight up, this is what I want. This is what it is, this what it ain't. You don't like it. I mean, that's on you.
[00:11:15] Speaker C: True.
[00:11:15] Speaker A: So how am I considered toxic than that? And I'm told I'm toxic than that all the time.
[00:11:22] Speaker C: Well, if you Know who?
It's up to the other individual to accept that.
[00:11:37] Speaker A: Okay, let's see. We got comments.
James Simons. What's up, cuzzo?
Different levels of toxicity. Cuzzo, toxic actually means hazardous to your health and mental. Two people can really love each other. Would not be good for each other.
I experienced that another form of toxic being with the controlling or narcissistic person.
True, but I think with being with a narcissistic person, like, you can identify in that. Like, you know when you're being manipulated.
Because when I see the person they manipulate for control, they want control, they want their way. And they will lie, manipulate, deceive.
You see that it's not genuine.
You see the fallacy in what you're encountering, you know?
You know that.
[00:12:38] Speaker C: That's it. Thank you.
[00:12:40] Speaker A: You know, in your heart, you know, in your soul, your spirit, if you genuine with somebody, if they're genuine with.
[00:12:46] Speaker B: You, you know it, man.
[00:12:47] Speaker A: You can't.
You can't sit here and say, yeah, oh, that's just my girl.
What they say, happy wife, happy life.
Man, that's the biggest lie.
That's the biggest. That's the biggest lie. Because what that's doing is saying.
What that's saying is my happiness don't matter.
That's what I said in that simple. In that simple statement, my happiness don't matter.
Where's the balance?
Men aren't supposed to be happy, huh?
So how am I gonna have a happy. How am I gonna have a happy life? You telling me happy wife, happy life. But how am I gonna have a happy life if I ain't happy, huh?
Man, they can't.
Man, we can't have it, man.
You can't have it. Can't be like that, man.
[00:13:41] Speaker D: I tell you. This might be.
[00:13:47] Speaker A: Let's see what else we got here.
Anybody having a good time here tonight?
[00:14:03] Speaker C: Ass.
[00:14:05] Speaker A: Happy house. That's it. Happy spouse, happy house.
[00:14:10] Speaker D: You only got one mouth, one reason.
[00:14:12] Speaker A: What about happy, man, happy land.
Don't worry about that one, man.
I mean, like, I've been in relationships, I think like some of the toxic. Some of the toxic behavior is telling your partner, being in a position or telling your partner, partner, no, that's one of the things, like, I wanted to be in a relationship where I'll never venture to tell my partner the word no. See no evil. Like, I don't find no pleasure in telling my partner no.
You know, if.
If she horned, she. She wants to make love and I'm like, oh, I'm too tired.
[00:14:49] Speaker D: I had no Argument.
[00:14:50] Speaker A: How can you, how can you make somebody feel desirable, feel wanted?
And in that moment you tell them, no, I'm talking about, you know what I mean?
How can they feel wanted? How can they possibly feel wanted? What's the point? You know what I mean?
Something to think about when you come to, when it comes to toxic. But she would see in her upsetness, in her disappointment that you're toxic, that you, that you're not pleasing to her, you're not making sacrifice for her, you're not doing what's right for her, you know, and vice versa. As a man, I lay down and I want, I'm horny, man, I'm trying to get something, trying to lay down my baby, you know what I mean? And she's like, not tonight.
We're gonna go through your mind.
She don't want. That's it, that's all you gonna think that possibly she was with somebody else.
That ain't going to cross your mind. Be honest now. I told her that ain't going to cost your mind, not going to cost my mom. I wonder why she don't want me.
Cuz, you with somebody else. She thinking about somebody else.
What was she doing today when she said she was at the gym?
Now that's, now that's toxic.
And I see that's one of. I ain't going to lie. That's one of my, that's one of my weaknesses. Like, I don't put that past nobody, I guess do my trauma, you know what I mean? I don't put that past nobody. And I will not, I will not convince myself of one thing and convince myself of another.
You know, I mean, like, I gotta, I gotta see, I gotta, I gotta know with full confidence that okay, you know, I mean, even though she was really tired and I think it's a way that she can go about it. Like, baby, I know, I know, just hold me. I'm real tired, you know what I'm saying? Like she could really be compassionate about it, but if she cold hearted towards it, cold hearted about it, neglectful about it, don't really give a damn about how your feelings are about it. Like, just fuck it. Like, I don't give a damn, nigga, I'm tired. Turn your back on you.
I ain't want nothing.
[00:17:04] Speaker D: Meantime, I'm like, I'm single.
[00:17:07] Speaker A: You sing.
[00:17:10] Speaker D: I said, that's conversation. I want to talk.
[00:17:15] Speaker A: All right, Courtney, tell me exactly how it is that you, you feel like everybody got some toxicity about them. I'm reading your comment right now.
[00:17:24] Speaker D: What you talking about?
[00:17:28] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:17:32] Speaker A: 25, you know, would appreciate. Ah, look at you. Look at you.
You probably look toxic or I mean to curse on. Can't curse on the podcast.
What's Richard did with the mic?
Fishing.
What you at with that? M.
[00:18:03] Speaker D: I like a C.
Trendy like me time.
[00:18:11] Speaker A: Just work off, play home.
[00:18:14] Speaker B: Yes, sir.
[00:18:17] Speaker A: Where you at?
[00:18:18] Speaker B: How you going to call my name and don't say nothing.
You ready?
[00:18:30] Speaker A: I think we touched bases with a lot when it comes to toxicity. I think toxicity is a very broad subject, man. I think there's a lot to talk about, especially when it comes to dealing with from the male, female perspective.
[00:18:46] Speaker C: So I'm gonna get a small container for this.
[00:18:48] Speaker A: You know, I got a lot I gotta identify in. That's the main purpose of me doing this podcast for me, to help me to identify when it comes to toxicity.
[00:18:57] Speaker B: You said a water. Oh, you're nervous.
[00:19:00] Speaker A: I thought you got something mad. You got something answering.
[00:19:02] Speaker B: The gentleman at the bar wanted to talk, but now he has stage fright.
[00:19:05] Speaker A: Go ahead.
[00:19:10] Speaker D: All right, all right, all right. How y' all doing?
I don't even know why she gave him the microphone, but.
[00:19:24] Speaker A: I did not. Not right. Not right now.
[00:19:28] Speaker D: Oh, I'm sorry, y'.
[00:19:29] Speaker A: All.
[00:19:31] Speaker B: Anybody else?
[00:19:35] Speaker A: Courtney.
[00:19:37] Speaker B: Toxicity.
[00:19:38] Speaker A: Courtney, how you toxic? Courtney, get the mic. You want the mic?
[00:19:42] Speaker B: You said give Courtney the mic.
[00:19:43] Speaker A: Get Courtney the mic. She asked for mic.
[00:19:52] Speaker E: All right, what's up?
[00:19:54] Speaker A: So how are you toxic?
[00:19:56] Speaker E: How am I toxic?
[00:19:58] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:19:59] Speaker E: I'm a retired toxic.
I'm not toxic anymore. I got tired of being toxic. Too much energy.
[00:20:10] Speaker A: Okay, so you was actively being toxic. So please let us know how you was handling that, how you was going about that.
[00:20:18] Speaker E: How did what?
[00:20:18] Speaker A: How you was going about being toxic.
[00:20:21] Speaker E: Okay, so when I was toxic, it used to turn me on to argue or have problems. And then when there wasn't problems, I was bored, so I would create problems.
[00:20:34] Speaker A: Oh, that's toxic. I love that honesty.
That's red. I'll tell my boy that's red. Coming from a woman, that's so toxic.
[00:20:48] Speaker E: How are you toxic?
[00:20:51] Speaker A: I'll cut you off and then come back to you tomorrow.
That's I'm talking about.
I need to cut that out, but I'll do that. I do do that.
My cut off game, my cutoff game, kind of weak.
I have. I have attached. I'm told I have. I have attachment issues.
So, like, I'll tell my. I'll distance myself, but I won't completely cut you off.
[00:21:23] Speaker E: You got attachment issues.
[00:21:24] Speaker A: That's what I'm told.
So, like, when I get. When I get close, close to people, like, I push away.
I push them away. But I'll try to maintain some form of attachment.
That makes sense.
[00:21:41] Speaker E: Yeah, I got attachment issues. And then I told the truth about all my toxicity, and then they still wanted me, so I don't know.
Get his mic. Tren, get this mic.
[00:22:05] Speaker A: Hey, Travis, how are you toxic?
[00:22:06] Speaker B: Travis, say something about what?
[00:22:08] Speaker C: I'm say something.
[00:22:10] Speaker E: Yeah, go ahead.
What?
[00:22:12] Speaker C: I'm going say something about.
[00:22:13] Speaker E: I don't know.
[00:22:15] Speaker A: I said, travis, how are you toxic? Get the mic, bro. I ain't toxic.
I promise you that. Okay, well, get the mic. I don't deal with. Get the mic up. Let's hear her. Get the mic for Travis. Herber. Get the mic for Travis.
Yes, you is, man. Listen.
[00:22:46] Speaker E: Let'S talk about that.
[00:22:46] Speaker A: How much more time you got?
You got no more comments.
I just did it for the View.
Yes.
Never mind. Hold on.
[00:23:09] Speaker F: I have a question.
Why we gotta be toxic, though? If you toxic, why not get some help? Why would you want to spread that toxicity? Get you some help?
And why do we all have to be toxic? We don't have to be. We choose to be. That's a choice.
[00:23:27] Speaker A: Okay, true.
I think it's about. I think it's like you say, it's a choice. I don't think a lot of people really need help, per se, because they know what they're doing. It's a matter of a choice. It's a decision, you know? And. And I think when. I think when.
[00:23:45] Speaker F: If you want to be. If you want to be well, that's a decision.
You. You make a. You make a choice. You say, I want to be well, I want to be healed.
[00:23:55] Speaker A: Right?
[00:23:55] Speaker F: And then you go get the help that you need, and you. You get healed.
[00:24:00] Speaker A: You get healed.
[00:24:00] Speaker F: But if you're comfortable in your toxicity, then you're gonna be spreading it.
[00:24:05] Speaker B: And.
[00:24:06] Speaker F: And you can't be comfortable with that. Why are you comfortable with the fact that you're toxic?
That makes no sense to me.
[00:24:14] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, definitely. I definitely understand that. I mean, have you.
But I think a lot of people don't even identify the fact that they're toxic. So a lot of people, or that's their norm. That's. It's acceptable to them. That's what they do, you know? But, like, you hear people say, oh, you're toxic, you're toxic. They don't even know what it means. They don't even know what it is that they're doing. That's Coming off wrong to the next person because.
[00:24:39] Speaker F: Yeah, but you know, when you got a history of relationships and they cat fight, dog fights, you dealt with people.
[00:24:49] Speaker A: That made you feel like you were wrong, but they were in the wrong wrong. Like say if you were in it, if you were, that we were speaking on, like, like Courtney said, she start arguments and stuff of that nature, you know, or just, I mean, just really think about it. How many people do you really come in contact with, you can say are health tomorrow healthily mentally and emotionally that are just utterly devoted and genuinely centered in themselves, do the right thing by everybody. They come in contact with me, well, you're fabulous. How about that?
You are fabulous. But it, it me, I'm. I'm a rare breed. It is, it is very, very. Yeah, very rare.
[00:25:37] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:25:37] Speaker A: Very rare.
[00:25:38] Speaker F: And, and I'm proud of that too.
[00:25:42] Speaker C: Right.
[00:25:42] Speaker F: And I, I stand on that. You know, I don't, I don't, I don't compromise, you know. You know, I ain't got time to play games, you know, Just be real. That's all I'm saying. And go get yourself healed before you come to me. Talk to me nice.
[00:25:57] Speaker A: And that's, and that's. And I love that. I love that you need to be celebrated.
They need to put you up as a poster child for women, I'm telling you, because they don't.
It's a thing for not them being solid. They can't be solid. And being, being genuine is being solid.
[00:26:13] Speaker C: So.
[00:26:14] Speaker A: And being true and doing the right thing by your person, doing the right thing by people that do right by you, it just ain't in them no more. Like they just, they gotta feel like, okay, I gotta have this, I gotta have that, I gotta have this, I gotta have that. And it comes off very self centered, very selfish, you know. And when all they gotta do is just be right, be silent like you say, be real.
How can you, how can you find comfort and peace in knowing you done faked a lot or did anything that was unethical during your day to another person that you claim that you care about?
There's a lot with toxicity. I think it's a lot that people got to identify and got to realize, man, you got to bring, bring the norm back of being real, being solid and being genuine with people.
This toxic shit ain't what it is. It ain't acceptable sitting here deceiving, playing games or lying the people to try to gain an advantage or have your way or even just tor with people because you really ain't serious about them. Stuff like that ain't cool.
So, you know, I've been.
I've been in countless relationships. I've been in countless situations. Relationships, you know, I've been in.
You know, I've gone through a fair deal myself, you know, when it comes to dealing with toxicity. So that's why I wanted to identify with it. And we can continue to talk about it week by week, and we're going to delve deeper and deeper into it. You know, we're going to have professionals on. I'm going to have professional psychiatrists on to talk about it. I'm going to have, you know, other relationship experts. So I want to try to talk about it. I'm going to try to sit here and dig into it as deep as possible. Try to help people to really kind of understand that the goal is to be real. The goal is to be solid. The goal is to have a genuine, authentic relationship, whether it's a friendship, whether it's a situationship, whether it's association, whether it's a relationship, man. It's your responsibility, man, to be who you are and who you say you are, to manifest your truth and be truthful in everything that you manifest.
We gonna go ahead and sign off. It was great. Looking forward to seeing y'. All. Next week, I'll bring somebody else on to help talk to me.
Peace.
